After years of soul searching, a 38-year-old theology teacher has decided to wed the son of God.
Jessica Hayes married Jesus Christ in a festive ceremony at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Fort Wayne, Indiana on Saturday.
While it wasn’t the wedding day she’d imagined as a little girl, the consecrated virgin still grappled with the big question facing brides-to-be: what to wear.
“I’ve seen so many wedding dresses over the years that I think I’ve probably changed my mind very many times. I had to really consider the appropriateness of the occasion for my dress,” Ms Hayes told WANE.com.
“I wanted my shoulders to be covered, and I would have to lie prostrate before the altar, so I really wanted to make sure that I was well-covered in a way that still shows the beauty of a bride.”
Yep, nothing crazy about marrying a guy that's been dead for over 2000 years. And, spoiler alert Christians, probably was never alive in the first place.
Oddly enough his woman is not the first who chose to be the "Bride of Jesus" as there are apparently 230 "consecrated virgins" in the United States and 3000 world wide.
And yes, before anybody corrects me, I do realize that she is not technically a necrophiliac unless she can find the body of Jesus and then give it the time of its un-life.
Of course if she found the body she would also completely destroy Christianity.
But hey, at least it would have gone out with a bang.
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