A few days ago, when Steve Israel, announced he would retire from Congress at the end of the year, I mentioned that my co-screenwriter and I would consider asking him if he wants to try out for the role of Steve Tel-Aviv character in our made-for-cable political sit-com. I suspect Titan Men, the gay porn producers, didn't ask Republican former-Congressman Aaron Schock to play the part of Mike Cauke, a closeted politician in the new x-rated film Cauke For President. Don't worry, the trailer up top is not x-rated. And neither is the Cauke for President campaign website. His issues-- typical rote Republican claptrap:
HARD ON EVERY ISSUEThe back story is that Cauke grew up on the family farm in Cumming, Iowa where he was a member of FFA (for the sake of the campaign, Future Farmers of America) and "helped his father castrate hogs, so he’ll know how to cut the pork in Washington and make ’em squeal! A former college tight end on his college football team and all-around jock, Cauke loves sports, staying fit, and anything to do with balls or bats. As a young conservative, Cauke straddles the line between the new generation of compassionate conservatives and older, more reactionary politicians, but he still upholds the basic tenets of his party: smaller government, lower taxes, supporting the US military in protecting American citizens, and making the economic growth of the middle class as a first priority."
Economic Growth: We need to grow our economy so that every American can find work, earn more and be self-sufficient. I believe that there is a millionaire within all of us just waiting to reach their god given potential.
Lower Taxes: Hard working Americans need to keep more of what they earn, not send their hard earned money to Washington to be wasted by bureaucrats.
Flat tax: If 10% is good enough for Jesus, then it should be good enough for Uncle Sam. I believe in a flat 10% tax across the board on all income, and the elimination of all deductions.
Eliminate the Debt and Balance the Budget: We need eliminate the debt and put America on a mandatory budget. Just like hard working Americans we can’t spend what we don’t have. I would eliminate deficit spending and make Congress balance the budget.
National Safety and the Military: America is under attack at home and aboard, we need to ensure the safety of the American people with whatever means necessary. We must be the world’s leader in military power with the most robust and advanced military in the world.
2nd Amendment rights: The right to bear arms is a fundamental bedrock of our constitutional liberty. I will fight to secure open carry rights for all Americans, as the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
Immigration reform: As my mentor John McCain so eloquently put it… Build the dang fence! We need to take care of Americans first and foremost and ban all use of government funds to support illegals.
The Chicago Tribune reported that "Like Schock, Cauke is a fan of posting pictures of exotic vacations. He also has a Downton Abbey-themed office." Titan Men has been trolling Schock on Twitter.
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